I’m an ENFJ. Some of you might read that and think “you’re an en fij? What the hell type of Harry Potter character is that?” Others will think “I’m an ISTP” and still others will take to Google to discover the world of Myers Briggs and other tests to help folks determine their “personality type”.
I used to be very fascinated by these types of tests and, if I’m being totally honest, I used to be very fascinated by any book that could explain my emotionality. Did you know intense emotionality is just a Scorpio thing? Thank goodness. I was worried it had to do with my genes.
On one hand, these types of personality tests are a good way to understand why you do the things you do or think the way you think. But, with each day I live, and with each day I try to understand myself better, I realize that there are no easy answers when it comes to people.
In 2011, I quit the practice of law. I’m still a licensed attorney. Just ask my bank statement each December when I shell out a bunch of money to keep my license active. I do it for a reason. Law school, and practicing law, taught me some incredibly important lessons about people and how to help them at their most vulnerable moments. But, it was during law school that I realized I was best suited for coaching. It took me several years to step away from law and commit to an alternative career path. I did it so I could live my most authentic life.
It was during law school when I first took the Myers Briggs test (MBTI). It was incredible. It explained so much about why I felt things so strongly (I’m a “Feeler”) and why my boyfriend, who was a thinker not a feeler, didn’t understand me. Answers! It was the first time I didn’t feel so alone. There were others out there like me!
Don’t get me wrong, I think those tests are really interesting and can do a good job of helping us to understand pieces of ourselves, but they really don’t take mental health into account.
I recently read The Five Love Languages. Again, there were many things in that book that made me nod my head and think “yes, yes, yes!” Quality Time! Words of Affirmation! Touch! Then, that nagging feeling started to creep in again. As much as I wanted to fit into the prescribed boxes in these tests and books, I don’t.
What happens when I’m spending quality time with my partner, which happens to be my number one love language, and I suddenly become overwhelmed because I feel crushed by expectations to be happy. After all, that’s my love language, right?
And what if I’m an extrovert that is overwhelmed by the idea of being with another person, because that person probably has expectations of how I should behave?
This is my personality type: Anxious Extrovert.
Maybe yours is: Introvert with FOMO.
I’m an empathetic person who is so empathetic that being around other people is overwhelming and exhausting. I’m an extrovert that gets completely powered up by being around others and then suddenly feels like running the fuck away. It’s like when you fill a glass all the way to the top and it starts to overflow. The glass has had enough, thank you very much.
Boxes are for stuff, not for people. If you don’t feel like you fit into a box, good. Being a person is complicated. If you’re anything like me, your emotions are like the inside of a kaleidoscope. Interacting with others is a guarantee that the kaleidoscope will be twisted and turned. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t embrace life to the best of your ability, it just means there is usually a confusing amount of teeter tottering emotions just under the surface.
Maybe you’re not like me. I don’t know you. Only you know you. But, I take issue with anything that speaks in if–>then statements. “If you are an extrovert, then you get your energy from being with people!” Yes, true. And then the people have sucked all of my energy away, because I am easily overwhelmed, and I want to run and hide. Does that mean I’m on the cusp of introvert and extrovert? Yes, maybe. Maybe not.
What if instead of looking for answers at the bottom of a box, we just accept that at any given time we may be everything all at once? That we can live beyond labels, and that’s okay. That we can be uncomfortable, and that’s okay.
Cats don’t care if they fit into a box or not. Just saying.
anxiosaurus rex 
